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ADOPTION
Child adoption...Adoption
By Vanessa Rasmussen, © 2006-2010, All rights reserved.
According to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse, more than 120,000
kids are adopted in the United States every year. Adopted children are loved and
cared for just like other kids. But it's natural for people who've been adopted
to wonder about their biological families and where they came from. Birth
parents have a variety of reasons for putting their children up for adoption;
most decide that they want better lives for their children than they feel they
can provide.
Parents with an adopted child wonder whether, when, and how to tell their child
that he or she is adopted. They also long to know if adopted children face
special problems or challenges. With a better understanding of the role adoption
plays in your child's growth and development, you can help your child accept his
own uniqueness and learn to be proud of who he is and how he helped form your
family.
Children tend to become more curious about adoption during ages seven to eleven.
They begin to realize that most other children live with at least one biological
relative and understand that the way they joined their families is somewhat
unusual. It is not uncommon for them to experience hurt, anger or sadness at
what may feel like abandonment or rejection. They do not fully understand why
they could not remain with their birth parents and may feel that their security
in their adoptive family is uncertain. During adolescence, children begin to
establish their sense of identity and to assert their independence. Adolescents
who are adopted are interested in information about who they are and how they
are unique individuals.
Hence, it is important to have an open and honest attitude about your child's
adoption. Child and adolescent psychiatrists recommend that the child be told
about their adoption in a way that they can understand. This helps give the
message that adoption is not a bad thing or something to hide and that the child
can trust the parents.
Here are a few tips to help you ease through the process of telling your child
about adoption:
-Talk to your child about adoption as soon as he/she begins to understand. These
early discussions give you practice in talking about adoption and show your
child that it is OK to bring up the topic. If you are uneasy that your child is
not biologically yours, he/she will feel it.
-While going through the adoption process, keep a scrapbook or journal and keep
track of important dates and steps in the process. Take pictures of the people
and places involved in your child's earlier life. Details about your child's
earlier life and the adoption process will help make both easier to understand.
-Several excellent children's story books are available in bookstores and
libraries which can help parents tell the child about being adopted.
-Most children enjoy the story about the day they were born. Talk to the
adoptive child the joy your family felt when you brought him/her home for the
first time and when you laid your eyes on the child for the first time.
If talking with your child about adoption is difficult, talk to a child and
adolescent psychiatrist who can be a valuable source of support and
understanding.
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